The Perfect Date
by skelesona
Summary: Two former Royal Guards try to have their first "real" date.


It was one of those blazing hot summer days where most people liked to sit inside with the air conditioning on high and just watch TV.

Two former Royal Guardsmen for the King of Monsters were exceptions. RG01 and RG02 were greatly reminded of Hotland, where they had shared many good memories working and hanging out, and so on days like these, they'd usually go and throw a ball around on the basketball court in their apartment complex.

RG01, who'd begun going by his first name Bronson once the guard had disbanded, shook his long ears back and made a three-point shot in the basket.

"Nice!" RG02, who now went by Cole, said breathlessly. "I need a quick break, bro, do you mind?"

"Nah, go ahead, bro," replied Bronson. He retrieved their ball and sat next to Cole on a nearby bench. He blushed a little as his partner took some cooling dirt out of his gym bag and spread it over his scales—even after all this time, the dragon monster's rippling muscles never failed to make him feel all hot and bothered inside.

"Hey, nerds! How's it goin'?" called a familiar rough voice from across the court.

Bronson and Cole smiled and stood. Good old Captain Undyne—well, just Undyne, now—was vaulting over the fence to join them. She was panting by the time she got over to them, and gratefully took a water bottle from Cole and poured the whole thing over her head. "Thanks, man. It's wicked hot out here, but I hate missing my daily run."

"Wanna, like, shoot some hoops with us?" Bronson asked, tossing his ball at her.

Undyne tossed it back and shook her head. "Sorry, man. I was just in the area and thought I'd stop by for a minute. I gotta get home and shower, I'm having a date with Alphys tonight."

"A date?" Cole cocked his head. "Sounds cool."

"Yeah, she's making dinner at her place and then we're watching a movie or something," said Undyne happily, wringing water out of her hair.

"Is that what people usually do on dates?" Bronson asked curiously.

"Uh, yeah, I guess." Undyne looked at them strangely. "Hey, aren't you guys together? Haven't you ever gone on a date?"

Both men shook their heads slowly.

"Well, you should! Get some _special_ together time, know what I mean?" Undyne winked. She got in between them and threw her arms over their shoulders. "It's a lot of fun. All it takes is a little planning."

"We could, like, totally do that," Bronson said, his excitement—and nervousness—growing at the thought.

"That's the spirit!" Undyne roared, squeezing them tight and letting go. "I gotta get going. You guys have fun!" she called as she walked away and vaulted over the fence again.

Cole turned to Bronson. "You really wanna try having a date right now?"

"Yeah! I mean, that's a thing boyfriends do, so… why not?" Bronson tried to sound more confident than he felt. "So, we gotta, like… plan this thing. So… maybe we should decide what we're gonna do, first."

"Undyne said one person makes dinner and then they watch a movie together. So, like, let's just do that," suggested Cole, sitting back on the bench.

"Yeah, okay." Bronson sat down too and leaned forward. "So… where should we do it, then? My place is kind of messy right now."

"Mine, too," said Cole, sounding troubled. "Let's, like… maybe both go home and clean up, and whoever's done first, that's where we'll have the date."

"Okay, sounds good." Bronson nodded. "Race you home?"

Both monsters grabbed their bags and ran, reaching their neighboring apartments at the same time. They tidied up as quickly as possible, washing up dirty dishes, dumping clothes back in their bedrooms, and reorganizing exercise equipment.

Both of them finished and came out to meet the other at the same time.

Cole scratched his head. "Uh… you wanna try Rock-Paper-Scissors, then?"

After playing four or five rounds (because they both kept picking the same move), Bronson finally won. "So… I guess we'll do this at my place?"

Cole nodded. "Do you think we should, like… dress up? Dates are pretty fancy, aren't they?"

"Yeah, I guess."

So they went back to their apartments to look for fancy clothes. Neither of them, however, had anything fancier than jeans and polo shirts. They dressed in what they had and came back out in almost identical outfits.

Bronson tapped his foot. "Okay, so…" He rather shyly slipped his hand into Cole's. "Come on in, then?"

Cole squeezed his hand back, and they both went inside Bronson's little apartment.

They sat on the couch in the living room and looked around blankly. "What was Undyne doing with her girlfriend again?" asked Cole.

"I think… she went over to her house and the Doctor was going to cook dinner?" Bronson thought hard. "Dates are fancy, so it should be a fancy dinner… but I don't know what I have." He got up to check the refrigerator in his kitchen—nothing but milk, protein shakes, some eggs, and a few vegetables. He checked the freezer—ice cream, pizza, and a couple of hamburgers. He decided the burgers were going to be their best bet.

Now, if only he knew how to cook them.

Not wanting to look dumb in front of his boyfriend, Bronson pulled a pan out and started to warm up the stove. "Burgers are the best thing I have," he called back to Cole.

"Okay… sounds good, I guess. What'll we have with it?"

"With it…?" Bronson looked in the pantry—mostly cereal and bread. He brought out a loaf and checked the fridge again. "Do carrots sound okay?"

"Uh, sure." Cole sounded less than sure.

Bronson was getting more nervous by the minute, but he tried not to let it get to him. He put some water in the pan, laid the still-frozen burgers in it, and put it on the burner. Hopefully they'd defrost more quickly that way…

Then he transferred the carrots from the fridge to a bowl, put some more water in it, and put it in the microwave. _Five minutes on high should do the trick,_ he thought.

Meanwhile, Cole was still sitting uncomfortably on Bronson's couch. He wanted to help, but he didn't know if he was supposed to do that as a guest. He decided to flip on the TV and check On Demand for something to watch. _It's a date, so it has to be romantic,_ he thought.

Bronson came out to check on him. "Whatcha doing?"

Cole inclined his head toward the TV, where he'd pulled up the description for some romantic comedy. "Looking at this movie. Think it's any good?"

Bronson shrugged. "Dunno. Never seen it."

"You wanna, like, just go with it?" Cole's face was pensive. "It looks like they all cost money to rent…"

Bronson shrugged again. "It's just a few bucks… long as we only watch one or two, it's no big deal." He sat on the couch next to Cole. "Let's go ahead and try it."

Cole turned on the movie.

Within a few minutes, they heard the microwave ding, and Bronson went to check it. The microwave was a wet mess; the water had boiled over, and the carrots were soggy and limp. Bronson set the bowl aside gingerly and went back to the living room, his stomach sinking.

"Everything good?" asked Cole, noticing his boyfriend's troubled face.

"Yeah, it's fine," Bronson lied, smiling a little too brightly. "Let's watch the movie."

The movie turned out to be pretty bad. Aside from the terrible acting and contrived dialogue, the story was just boring. But they kept it going, since Bronson was already going to have to pay for it.

Cole became restless after a while. "Hey, uh…" He fell silent.

"What's up, bro?"

"Don't partners, like… I dunno… kiss and stuff during these things?"

Bronson hoped Cole couldn't hear his soul pounding. "Uh… I mean... do you wanna…?"

Cole moved closer to Bronson and grasped his hand. "Uh… only if you wanna, I guess…"

They leaned in together slowly until their foreheads were touching, and then…

An earsplitting beeping noise echoed throughout the apartment, and the smell of smoke filled the room.

"Oh, no—!" Bronson was up at the speed of light, rushing into the kitchen. He'd forgotten all about the burgers!

The water had evaporated from the pan, and the meat was thoroughly burned on the bottom, stuck to the pan. Bronson had no idea how he would clean that up.

He heard Cole follow him in and turned to him, almost in tears. "I—I'm sorry, bro. Dinner's ruined, I can't cook to save my life… and I don't really have anything else we could eat for a fancy date. And the movie sucks, too… I think our date is, like, ruined." His face fell further. "Maybe dating just isn't for us… for me."

"Hey, bro…" Cole hugged him. "You know, we did our best. Maybe we should, like… call Undyne, I bet she'll know how to fix this."

Bronson breathed. "Okay… okay, yeah. Let's go ahead and try that."

Cole brought up Undyne's number on his phone and made the call. "Hey, Undyne?"

"Hey, man, what's up?" Undyne's voice was loud, so she could be heard over some interesting-sounding background noise.

"Sorry to bother you… but like, Bronnie and I were trying to have a date… but it's not going very well. We burned the food and paid for a movie we didn't know was gonna be cruddy… We were just trying to make it fancy, like a real date, but now that it's messed up we don't know what to do anymore."

"Fancy? Who said a date had to be _fancy?"_ Undyne said incredulously. Her mouth was full of something.

"Well—it's a date, isn't that, like…" Cole was lost for words.

"Nah, dude, dates don't have to be fancy! Alph and I are just eating ramen and chips and watching Mew Mew Kissy Cutie for the fiftieth time!" There was a loud crunch.

"Oh… so we should eat junk food and watch anime instead?" Cole tried to understand as Bronson desperately listened in.

"Nah—no, dude, okay, listen—" Undyne swallowed. "Dates don't have to be any specific thing—you don't have to eat a certain food or watch a romantic movie or kiss or do anything. It's just about having fun with your partner and doing something you both like doing, together! I mean, if that's dressing up and having a fancy dinner, that's cool! Or just heating up ramen in the microwave and watching anime for way too long, like me and Alph!"

"Or… maybe playing basketball?" Cole asked, his face lighting up.

"Yeah, man, basketball could totally be a date! Or going to the movies, or shopping, or walking in the park, or having a sleepover and playing video games—man, there's so much you and Bronson can do that doesn't involve either of you cooking or paying for some sleazy crap romance movie!"

"Wow… okay! Thanks, Undyne! Like, enjoy your date then, I guess!" Cole was smiling.

"Thanks, man. You and Bronson have fun, too!"

Bronson was smiling as well, though more sheepishly. "Man, I feel kind of dumb now."

Cole shrugged. "Live and learn, I guess."

Bronson nodded. "So, like… if you wanna have a date…" He gestured toward the PlayStation next to the TV. "Video games and a sleepover sound pretty good to me."

"I'll take that, and add ordering a pizza. _I'll_ pay for that, since you have to pay for that movie," Cole added gallantly.

"Okay, I can place the order and then maybe we can change outta these clothes?" said Bronson hopefully.

"Yeah, bro! Let's do this thing!"

Feeling infinitely more comfortable now that they knew they didn't have to stay fancy anymore, they tidied up the mess in the kitchen, changed into sport shorts and T-shirts, ordered an extra-large pizza, and turned on the game console.

After a while, Bronson even leaned his head on Cole's shoulder. "You know… I guess dating is okay, after all."

After a minute, Cole leaned over and kissed Bronson's head. "It sure is, bro."


End file.
